Monday, September 24, 2007

How Mean People do Diets

By taking dessert away from elderly people.
Their justification:

...he notes that older people have high rates of heart disease and high blood pressure and says senior citizen centers, nursing homes and assisted-living centers should not be worsening the health problems of seniors.
The rebuttal:
C. Michael Sibilia said, "I'm 86, not 8."
*blink*

SHES 86! GIVE HER SOME GODDAMN DONUTS!

Look, Im neurotic about keeping in shape, but so help me god, my future caregivers will learn the meaning of pain if they try to take away my dessert when Im 86. My grandmother lived well into her 90s, and would routinely eat Russel Stovers Chocolate for dinner. We'd just give her boxes and boxes of those things as gifts. Thats all she wanted to eat, and you know what, SHE WAS 94! SHE CAN EAT WHATEVER THE HELL SHE WANTS!

Life isnt worth living without dessert.

Give those folks their pie back.

7 comments:

Freelancer said...

Is that You, ERV? or could it be Lewis Black?!

ERV said...

LOL!

That was kinda Lewis-Black-ish, wasnt it? Ah we take our desserts seriously in my family. This is BS! Id be out picketing with those old people!

"Ive got cataracts,
My bones all ache,
So give me back,
My GODDAMN CAKE!"

Nick said...

Hey ERV -- so far you've put up photos of your dog, your chest, your belly button, and you hiding behind your dog. I don't suppose you plan on posting a normal picture anytime this decade? It's no big deal, it's just a little odd that a dog photo whatever pops into the mind when one thinks of the infamous ERV.

Courtney said...

Oh man. That was the best post. Ever.

Rev. BigDumbChimp said...

Great. Coffee->nose->monitor

Bob O'Hara said...

Nick - don't be a spoil-sport. I'm looking forward to (somehow) going to an HIV conference and watching people trying to find Abbie. "Would you mind putting this dog in front of your face?" would be one of the politer requests.

Bob

The Inoculated Mind said...

My grandmother was once trying to buy popcorn at the theater, and they asked her "Do you know that this is cooked in coconut oil, which is really high in saturated fat?" She said "I'm old. Give me my popcorn."
Priceless.

Karl
(www.inoculatedmind.com)