Tuesday, May 22, 2007

"Oh my god! Thats a lot of pus!"

So the bacteria were jealous of all the attention viruses were getting in my personal life.

"Youre supposed to be a microbiologist!" they said. "Dont you listen to a word those Creationists say? You should teach all sides of an issue. If you talk about viruses you have to talk about bacteria!"

"But I dont have any bacterial infections? I mean, theres our commensal bacteria and such, I could write about that. But I only gave EBV the air-time because it was giving me so much trouble," I replied, a little confused.

And then the bacteria just started laughing.

I didnt understand why, at the time, but now I get it. You guys know what I have now? DRUG RESISTANT STAPH. AAARG! Can I please be healthy for 24 hours? 24 hours, thats all Im asking.

*sigh*

I went back to the doc this morning because some of my rash spots werent going away, and they itched really bad. One of them was, well, huge. And painful. So my doc chopped it open to drain it (lots of lidocaine, didnt feel a thing).

"Oh my god! Thats a lot of pus!" she yelped. Immediately trying to regain professional composure and to keep me from freaking out, she added "Dont look."

Well me being me, I looked. Sooo gross you guys, so gross. "Ugh, what is it?"

Doc, "Probably Staph. Probably drug resistant Staph. A lot of people carry it on their skin with no problems, but with your rash..."

Ugh I totally got Staph across the skin boarder when I was scratching that damn rash! ARRRRG! So Im on a lot of antibiotics right now. And vicodin.

**faint sound of teeny tiny bacteria laughing**


Oh Ill get the last laugh, you bastards.

14 comments:

Tyler DiPietro said...

Is that vicodin some good shit?

Just kidding. I hope you don't die. :(

ERV said...

Dude, she hooked me up!! This is more vicodin than I got when I had my wisdom teeth taken out!

Ill try real heard not to die. I offer no promises.

Foxy said...

*hugs* Poor erv...

ERV said...

Dont get old, Foxy. You start falling apart.

hehehe Thanks, guys-- you cheer me up :)

Kristjan Wager said...

Admit it, you are just doing this to get attention....

Hope you get better soon - I think you have had your share of such things now.

Wes said...

Errrm...I assume you mean pus? Otherwise this post takes on a whole new meaning. 8O

Dr. Duke said...

Um, have drug resistant staph ever been, like, you know, totally ISOLATED? Where are the Electron Micrographs of 100% pure drug resistant staph. How can you be sure it is not just your "lifestyle" of ripping on radicals, that has not caused the oxidative stress to like, totally make you ill?

Or maybe you just need to ballance the pH of your diet. I have heard that if you eat too many (or to few) of those proton thingies, you know, it like, totally messes with you. When you get just the right number, you like, loose weight (or gain it if you are too skinny), and get like totally fit. Dozens of web sites sell books telling you want to eat to like, totally get the right number of the proton thingies in your diet.

gerald spezio said...

Change the frame, bonehead.

Anonymous said...

ERV, I hope you'll beat those bacteria into a pulp soon. They don't even have a nuclear membrane. I always worry more about viruses than bacteria. Sounds nasty, though.
Dr. Duke, This is WAY off topic but do you know who you're arguing with on NewAidsReview? Nick Naylor was here and on aetiology and he's really a chemical engineer from New Jersey named Eugene Semon. Unless he made up that name too. He's been slapped down by Nick Bennett and Brian Foley and Chris Noble and who knows who else but he always comes back under a different name and says the same stuff. The more you argue with him the more drivel he puts on the internet for ignorant people to read and believe. Not that anyone understands what he says, least of all Semon himself. His knowledge in science is, well, shaky at best. He strings together science terms without understanding what they mean and believes he's "debunked" HIV science in the end. The people at NAR think he's cuckoo already and you're not going to convince Semon of anything. He's delusional. But whatever.

ERV said...

Kris-- Youre right. I have mother issues. Ive seen my doc more in this past month than Ive seen my own mother in the past couple of years! Doc is replacement mother.[/Freud accent]

Wes-- My way is funnier :P

Dr. Duke-- I know :( I wonder if its too late for Horowitzs magic tuning forks to work?

gerald-- Fr*mes fix everything! Maybe Horowitz has magic fr*mes!

Anon-- The bacteria won round 2 yesterday. Antibiotics made me hurl all night. I won round three when I got some antibacterial shot this morning. Ill get 'em.

Dr. Duke said...

Oooh!

Whack-A-Troll with Gene Semon!

Too funny...

And Lincoln, who on Feb 20 at aetiology promissed to shut up if the Perthies lost the Parenzee case, is posting to the www.journaids.org blog for South African journalists on AIDS.

Tara had the Whack-A-Mole analogy so right!

Chris Noble said...

Dr Duke,
Lincoln not only promised to refrain from posting "dissident" opinions on Tara's blog and everywhere else he also promised to take up the "establishment" view and promote it twice as much determination.

PS. Is there any truth to the rumour that Parenzee's defence team have approached you to act as expert witness in a second appeal hearing?

Your peer reviewed publications are impeccable and I think using the "aliens did it" defence will be much more succesful than the "HIV doesn't exist" gambit that Borick foolishly went with.

PPS. ERV, you should look at the ET connection for your microbial problems. Modern science can't account for drug resistant bacteria and I think it is much more plausible that aliens are creating them in order to wipe out the human race. Do you have any recent periods where you can't remember where you were or what you did? Any unexplained scars or injuries?

Dr. Duke said...

Noble, yes my peers have reviewed my book, although I am not at liberty to say what they thought of it...

Nick Naylor said...

That's right, those who can apply Eigen's quasispecies model to retroviruses sure as hell know what they're talking about. Certainly they - the authorities of American science - aren't cutting and pasting ...

And the Iraq War will pay for itself too right?

Wacky Troll